The Corporate Stupidity Files: Pornographic Rigby at McDonald's

By Victor Hernandez

If I can help it I avoid fast food places. Particularly McDonald's. This time, however, McDonald's corporate stupidity provided me with some material that is as disturbing as it is entertaining. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a cheap plastic toy that Mexico City's McDonald's Happy Meal sells featuring Rigby, the character from Cartoon Network's Regular Show:

A little under a dollar for that cheap plastic toy. Seriously. They list the charge for the toy in the ticket. What does the toy do? Well, this is a photo of the bag the toy came in. See for yourselves:

As you can see from the bag's explanation (in case you're too dumb to figure out just by handling the toy) the toy is basically a mutilated Rigby that's held together by a magnet.

Which means that the only thing you can really do with the toy is this:

Which has to be the stupidest toy ever. Why the FUCK would a kid want to play with a toy that's designed to be mutilated? That is, unless you want to teach your kids to be psychopaths.


If you think about it, this gets even more disturbing if you get yourself a packet of ketchup and throw it into th mix:

Pretty funny, huh? Ha ha ha! Mutilated Rigby with blood and guts all over the place! Now THAT is entertainment, right? So not only you play "lets break this cheap toy" but you can also play "violent mutilation" with it. Is that why cartoon Rigby and the Happy Meal box are laughing?

But that's not the real reason why I'm bringing this up. As you can see, the Rigby toy looks like a dumb piece of plastic in the shape of a cool cartoon character, right?

Yeah, about that... I guess the suits at McDonald's corporate HQ never realized what would happen if somebody put together the toy BACKWARDS:

So now you have a pornographic Rigby... with a huge erection...

Not that I'm complaining. To be honest, this toy was so dumb the only way to make it entertaining is to piece it together backwards. But I'm an adult. I find it funny precisely because I'm an adult. I have no idea how kids are going to take it. So my question is this: how many kids are going to get freaked out when they realize Rigby can get an erection?

A healthy parent would simpy explain to their kids that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina (although in this case it looks as though Rigby has both because of the hole for the screw that keeps him together) and that would be the end of the story. Unfortunately, there are still some parents who are a bunch of prudes, and they will probably freak out even more than their kids with this inadvertedly sexually suggestive McDonald's toy they actually paid for.

To be clear, though, I don't have a problem with the toy. I just think that, because of their stupidity, McDonald's corporate HQ thought it would be a treat for children to mutilate Rigby without realizing the toy could be sexually suggestive. Sex and violence in the same toy! And I think that level of corporate stupidity is funny.

I also have to say I guess I'm lucky I live in Mexico City. There were a lot of kids at the McDonald's and no parent seemed to be complaining about how easy it was to make Rigby get a boner. Can you imagine this same scene at a McDonald's, say... in Alabama?

So I'd like to congratulate McDonald's for their corporate stupidity. For once, thanks to their stupidity, at least they promoted some small yet bizarre form of sex ed at a fast food joint.

Oh, because, by the way, this is what Mordecai looks like. Click on the image to enlarge it and see if you notice anything unusual:

Yup. If you were to put together Mordecai backwards, he would be showing he has three small erect penises... and a vagina. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!